Flight To Hell (2003)

“The Radio’s busted. We’re gonna have to land this sucker with no wheels. And Jack’s got a monster up his nose!”

A pilot wakes up late after having a bad dream (consisting of “highlights” of the movie we’re about to see, superimposed onto his eye). He goes off to work, to fly a super rich passenger in an airplane/flying casino/amusement arcade.

Nasal nastiness

When he leaves his co-pilot alone in the cockpit, she instantly nods off, and the plane is attacked by blobs of intergalactic superhold hairgel. Meanwhile the crew are busy being flirty/rapey, groping each other and having sex with underwear on. A maitre d’ wearing a dinner jacket several sizes too large, entertains the rich client with roulette and poker. Strangely, when they play golf it’s on a fake lawn with real clubs, yet the space-saving game of chess is ‘virtual’. The over-large outfits don’t extend to the stewardesses, who have tiny mini skirts and do a lot of sitting down with knees open facing the camera. And in case anyone missed that, there are mirrored floor tiles too.

The sticky gunk turns into alien eggs, and some look a lot like the ones in Alien (1979). Reptile-like creatures start scuttling around, popping up in unexpected places, like men’s nostrils and ladies’ front bottoms. When a full-grown monster finally makes its appearance, it is truly hilarious, and a glorious example of b-movie cheesiness.

The crew arm themselves with makeshift weapons you often find lying around in a plane, including an axe, a golf club, a lopping saw and even a full-blown body-worn flame thrower thing. This may be a nod to Aliens (1986), but there’s certainly a reference to the The Fly (1958) when a character mutates and gets an alien arm and head.

There were three things that struck me in this movie. Firstly the use of strong, contrasting colours in the set design. I guess this was used to represent opulence and modernness, though – like the ‘hi-tech’ holograms of rotating dice and roulette wheels – it just looks dated and a bit tacky.

The monster attacks

Secondly, it’s hard to ignore the special effects. From the over-use of fake lens flare, to the huge reliance on CGI. For example a whole room of fruit machines is created in CGI, so is the roulette/poker table. Some computer enhanced imagery can add an extra dimension to a film – but not the kind of warping effects found in Photoshop. Distorting and stretching faces this way just looks like a film student project, and creatures scuttling under bedsheets or clothing would have been far more effective using a puppet pulled by a string.

Thirdly there’s a thin line between dialogue that makes you laugh unintentionally, and dialogue that makes you cringe. “I’ll find something hot to stick between your cheeks!” says a stewardess when someone mentions food. “You got weather dead ahead,” the control tower informs them as they fly towards mysterious green clouds. And, “What’s the matter with him?” asks someone looking at a man with a creature stuck up one nostril.

The sound quality is odd, it’s hard to tell if the dialogue has been over-dubbed in post-production, or translated. And the same piece of rum-tiddly-tum music is used over and over in the casino scenes.

Overall it’s a very silly film, clearly made on a low budget, and not the remotest bit scary. There is plenty to laugh at here, so much so that the joke might get a bit tired towards the end of its 86 minutes. But if you can get past the terrible warping effects, it’s a very entertaining piece of b-movie schlock.



Flight To Hell (2003) is available to purchase at amazon.co.uk, play.com, amazon.com and other retailers.

Flight To Hell/2003/Cinemagic/Dir: M Cerchi

2 Responses “Flight To Hell (2003)” →
  1. You’ve now made me want to watch this film!!! And i’d never even heard of it before!


  2. camgal

    May 25, 2012

    You make it sound like an everyday classic comedy :) I may just have to watch it….and you have reviewed a lot of movies I have never even heard of. Good job, I really enjoyed reading this- Camgal


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