Granny (1999)

Contains spoilers.

Eight annoying characters play annoying “scary” games, pretending bits of pig offal are parts of someone’s dead granny. They have annoying discussions about feminism, sex, and then their personal fears. And within ten minutes, I’m almost begging for a bloodthirsty killer to turn up and get stabby.

the killer grannyNow I’m not entirely sure why a cross-dressing psychopath in a granny mask would be in the basement of someone’s house in the first place. But the nonsensical plot is part of what makes this film fun as well as frustrating.

One victim is stabbed repeatedly, yet simply stands there making no attempt to defend themself or escape. And ‘Granny’ finishes off the scene by calmly taking a toilet roll into the cubicle, presumably to take a celebratory dump.

Someone else  runs off to find help – not from the next-door house we saw in an earlier shot, but via a long trek through a creepy wood (lit by large electric-powered lights it would seem). They pause for breath at the exact point in the open woodland where ‘Granny’ has buried herself under the leaves in ambush. In fact, how ‘Granny’ managed to get there in time to hide herself is a mystery, but apparently she does have a mystical talent for turning up in several logic-defying places at the same time.

bathroom victimA couple decides to stop for a long, passionate kiss in the middle of being chased, resulting (inevitably, and justifiably) in the knitting needles death scene, which had me roaring with laughter. (I know that sounds bad, but just wait till you see it.) And yes, there are many other illogical and unintentionally funny scenes, and many times where I wanted to laugh and shout angrily at the screen, both at the same time.

Then there is the twist. And here be spoilers..

I don’t usually try to guess twists, preferring to just go with the movie. But even I could see this one coming a mile off, with neon lights around it. The only surprise is how little sense it makes. If the deaths are all faked in order to scare one of the characters, then why do they act them out in such detail, when the person isn’t even there to see? Or has been knocked unconscious? Murders in the cellar, the bathroom, the woods, the truck – I mean – what..?!

The film is very short (one hour) but still feels like it has lots of padding (characters having pointless conversations, over-long scenes of putting on make-up or fiddling with hair, etc) . None of the characters are in any way likeable, and most of the time I found myself cheering-on the knife-wielding psycho. The ‘surprise’ second twist just feels laughable. Despite all that, I did enjoy this film. It was entertaining (even if for the wrong reasons) and I laughed a lot. But I found myself shouting at it sometimes, too. I’m sure it would be great fun to watch as part of a group of friends, but not to watch alone – you’ll probably start yelling and throwing your own granny at the screen.


Granny/1999/Ambitious Productions/Dir: B Pavlovsky/Prod:  B Pavlovsky, S Popovic, Tomi

Granny (1999) is available to purchase at,, and other retailers.

2 Responses “Granny (1999)” →

  1. Aaron Babcock

    February 11, 2012

    You are a brave soul for watching this one…

  2. i want this movie soo badly im gunna buy soon it looks scary


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