Journey To The Center Of The Earth (2008)

No, not the big-budget 3D adventure starring Brendan Fraser – 3 films were released in 2008 with this name. This one was made by The Asylum. Without a big budget. Or 3D. Or even Brendan Fraser.

dinosaur attackA group of Hot Female Soldiers are supposed to be beamed to Germany, but somehow get teleported 600km below the Earth’s surface instead (Jules Verne knew about teleporters..?!)  In this strangely sunshiny underworld, they run around in skimpy vests, get sweaty, and do battle with dinosaurs and giant comedy spiders.

By coincidence, one of these women has a sister who is a Hot Female Scientist who – as luck would have it – has just invented a big laser burrowing machine thing that can travel down into the Earth. So the sister takes the digger thing, her bad hair and a very smiley beardy man, and pops down a tunnel to go find her sister.

crossing the magma riverThe soldier women walk right up to glowing magma rivers without even their eyelashes curling in the intense frazzling heat. They find Audrey II type plants that sadly don’t say “Feed me Seymour”. And their special radio, which apparently was made using a folding saucepan steamer basket, is no longer working. They speculate that the giant spiders “must be at least 6 feet in diameter” as they wander through web tunnels, rather than getting the hell away. There’s a scene that’s, well – let’s be generous and call it a ‘homage’ to Alien. And the man and woman in the boring machine seem to dislike each other. Bet you can’t guess how their relationship will end up.

It’s an entertaining film that takes a few liberties with updating the original story. (Well, the name’s the same.) There are some silly aspects which I found quite funny. The sound isn’t great, the synchronisation was slightly out in the copy I saw, making the actors appear badly dubbed, and the almost continual background music sometimes drowns out the dialogue. It’s not a classic, but it amused and entertained me, and I’m sure it would be fun to watch with a few drinks!

 

Journey To The Center Of The Earth (AKA Journey To Middle Earth) can be purchased from amazon.co.uk, amazon.com, play.com and other online retailers.

Journey To The Center Of The Earth/2008/The Asylum/Dir: D Jones, S Wheeler/Prod: DM Latt

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